Girlhood

You are born in [[June|Childhood 1]]

(set: $family to "father") You have a <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["father", "mother", "brother", "sister"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$family");'>$family</tw-link> You don't really remember that much from this time who does really you're just a kid (set: $how to "do not") You know they probably said lots of things like <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["do not", "should not", "can not", "wear this", "eat this", "say this", "act like this", "etc", "etc", "etc"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$how");'>$how</tw-link> but it's not like you really remember that anyway is it and does it [[matter|childhood 2]]

Eventually you start school like everyone does you find out you're pretty good you're pretty smart all that but still you have a hard time Probably because the teachers mostly call on (set: $school to "Billy") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Billy", "Kevin", "Jack", "Chris", "John", "Michael", "Luke", "Jay", "David", "James", "Patrick"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$school");'>$school</tw-link> and probably lots of other things too Well you don't really pay too much attention to this then maybe you are just too [[quiet|childhood 3]]

You're in middle school now sitting in the cafeteria. Some others girls are there with you one of them says something like are you really going to eat that you ask yeah why though you're pretty sure you know why you've heard this type of thing before Like the way lots of girls say things like (set: $food to "calories") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["calories", "weight", "fat", "I heard my mom say", "disgusting"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$food");'>$food</tw-link> those types of things personally you find very stupid like what was up with that girl who threw her snacks away because her mom said she needed to look good for her ice skating competition Anyway now your friend is saying I just wouldn't eat that cookie and you are still annoyed but also something else like well maybe she's right she is your friend after all So maybe you just [[shouldn't eat it|don't eat]] but [[maybe you should|eat it]]

You ignore your friend and eat it anyway still you don't feel that good about it but you try to ignore [[that|childhood 4]]

You shove your cookie away suddenly you don't feel good you guess you don't need that [[do you|childhood 4]]

You start hanging out more with your friend (set: $friend to "Zoey")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Zoey", "Katie", "Lucy", "Mia", "Taylor","Annie", "Jess"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$friend");'>$friend</tw-link> over the next few years. She has an older sister so she knows all sorts of things that you don't really know about like (set: $things to "makeup") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["makeup", "clothes", "boys", "how to look hot"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$things");'>$things</tw-link>. So she shows you these things and you listen One day she asks you to sleepover you get dropped off. Well you find out it's not really a sleepover her parents aren't home and after you get dressed and do your makeup a boy comes to pick you [[up|window]]

Where are we going? You hiss you're waiting for the car outside and it's very cold your clothes aren't that warm A party and you're welcome she says, and a car pulls into the driveway a boy is driving it he's an older boy and she scoots into the front seat and starts chatting with him she's batting her eyelashes and smiling and it's annoying When you reach the party, someone presses some drink into your hand and you sip at it as you follow your friend through the maze of people that are swaying and laughing Sometime later you're upstairs with a dozen other boys and girls and few of the boys are older than you one of them is staring at you but you look away Someone says let's play a game, and suddenly pairs of people are breaking off and heading into the closet Before you know it, it is your turn, and you and the boy who was eyeing you are squashed together in the [[dark]]

Immediately his hands are pressing into you and you don't like it and you don't like the way he is kissing you You want him to [[stop]] But it would be easier to just [[let it happen]]

You want him to [[stop|stop 1]] But it would be easier to just [[let it happen]]

You close your eyes and [[let it happen|nod]]

You want him to [[stop|stop 2]] But it would be easier to just [[let it happen]]

You want him to [[stop|stop 3]] But it would be easier to just [[let it happen]]

Wait you say, and you push him off and you are saying can we stop and you don't like the way that sounds like a question And he is disappointed, but nods and you reach for the doorknob you need to get out of there But he catches your hand Can we stay in here? So they at least think something is happening? It is too cramped in here he is too close you want to go far away you want to say no but you [[nod]]

You hang out with (set: $friend to "Zoey")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Zoey", "Katie", "Lucy", "Mia", "Annie", "Taylor", "Jess"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$friend");'>$friend</tw-link> a few more times you go to a few more parties like that one and she tells you things like (set: $info to "loosen up") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["loosen up", "let it happen", "its not a big deal", "dont be so dramatic", "thats how you get boys to like you anyway"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$info");'>$info</tw-link> and you try to ignore that mostly but sometimes it's hard Once you start high school and you get older you two drift apart and you are soon surrounded with a new group of [[friends]]

You and your friends are all pretty [[smart]] you think you like them a lot You're still doing so well but you know you're too quiet Well that is what your teachers say anyway and you know they're right you know what they're talking about you should just [[speak up]] but usually it's [[easier not to]]

Well you know you really should like you said you usually know what you're talking about but (set: $speak to "sometimes") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["sometimes", "most of the time", "all the time"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$speak");'>$speak</tw-link> you feel like something is stopping you and you guess it's [[easier said than done]]

Like when your friend (set: $boy to "Kevin") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Kevin", "Ben", "Andrew", "Michael", "Peter","Charlie"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$boy");'>$boy</tw-link> says things like it's so stupid how girls care so much about how they look or it's so stupid how girls are so weird about food just eat and get excercise it's not that big of a deal And you think shut up you don't know anything about stupid you'll never know just shut up But what are you supposed to say he'll never know and anyway it is stupid very stupid but not the kind of stupid he thinks you wish he would just stop talking but you don't say anything you're just [[quiet|don't]] aren't you

And usually it is easy enough to ignore these types of things they are very stupid after all very irritating but you can't let it bother you too much or you'll go [[crazy]]

Like when you're alone with a boy in his car you know what they say about (set: $girls to "girls") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["girls", "sluts"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$girls");'>$girls</tw-link> who do things like [[that]]

You don't really know why you like that anyway you know why he does all that porn he watches all those (set: $girls to "girls") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["girls", "sluts", "whores", "bitches"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$girls");'>$girls</tw-link> who don't really like what they're doing that's part of the fun But why you like it well who knows maybe you do but you don't analyze it you're not an [[idiot]]

And now you're back here again back with him pressing into you touching you saying things like please and c'mon and it'll feel good and it's so familiar it's almost [[boring]]

You let it get this far this is what you get you guess well it was fun at first but now you're done and you need to [[say something]] instead of [[just not]]

It's hard to do that though but it's getting [[worse|say something 1]]

You don't like the way he is whining you need to [[say something|say something 1]]

Again you need to say something but you [[turn your head away]]

Well you can't just ignore it forever he's still there and suddenly you [[can't stand it]]

And you tell him no and look away and lean away and you know he doesn't like that answer but he [[drives you home]]

It doesn't even feel that good though you still feel like (set: $ugh to "he")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["he", "they", "it"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$ugh");'>$ugh</tw-link> (set: $eee to "is")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["is", "are"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eee");'>$eee</tw-link> touching you And you wonder if (set: $ugh to "he")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["he", "they", "it"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$ugh");'>$ugh</tw-link> (set: $touch to "will ever stop") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["will ever stop", "can ever stop", "has ever stopped", "have ever stopped"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$touch");'>$touch</tw-link> touching you

(but maybe if you were so smart you would stop staring at food that way and [[just eat it]] instead of (set: $stupid to "throwing it away") <tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["throwing it away", "or up", "or looking at it that way again like its going to bite you"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$stupid");'>$stupid</tw-link>)

[[just eat it|just eat it 1]]

[[just eat it|just eat it 2]]

[[just eat it|just eat it 3]]

[[just eat it|friends]]